The worst part of me.

     I can't tell the different between my nightmares and my dreams. My dreams rode the sailboat out to the horizon while leaving me floating on a buoy, not knowing which way land is.
     And as the sharks and jellyfish taunt me from underneath, I bend my knees trying to protect myself from the bites coming at me. For I am the worst part of me. I put on this daily facade, not letting people ask me questions, but yet, I still feel like a clown in a crowdful of business suits.
     I'm lazier than lazy can get, passed out on the bed asleep playing back the time in my head. But give me physically task and I can be the best quarterback on the football team. I can't quite make it to the NFL, but I'm trying my best just to be sane. Funny though, they say sane and beauty are all in the eye of the beholder. Perceptive is just the key to judgement and judgement is the key to personality. Which is what kills us as we get trampled by the feet cover in mud, as they hold up their hands innocently covered in blood. They know not of their actions, but if we opened up their thoughts, then everybody would be dead. Society is the rainbow. We see it, but cannot touch it and the pot of gold is never near. I guess what I'm trying to say is that society and people may seem kind, but once they, themselves take off their mask, they are the ugly ones. Society is so horrify ugly, that the truth is covered up and your nightmares become true. The sharks underneath your feet begin to chomped holes in your legs, letting the salt water burn your wounds. You try not to notice the blood coming out, hoping more sharks won't be drawn near. You don't want others to see you lose your battle, for they laugh at you the most when you are drowning. As you sink deeper and deeper into the ocean, what was once baby blue turns into a deep navy. Your airways keep getting tighter and tighter, looking for the easy way out. But no, there is no easy way. You must beg in your own mercy, finding nothing, but everything.
     You look above trying to find some sort of light, holding your breath from the last breath of air you took. The jellyfish sting you from all around, leaving scars for all the years that added up. You realize you're on your own, fighting for a smile. Perhaps a reason maybe. Everything that every made you happy just plunged you deeper into the ocean. Knowing that in fact you can drown and that you haven't reached the bottom yet can be a sign maybe, or even a fact, that you can punch with both fist. They may not leave bruises on your victims, but I'm showing that I can swim against a strong current, not matter how much I'm pushed back. I will fall back in the ocean many times, but if for one second I can grasp for one single breath of air, then that is enough.
     I know that I don't know much, but I'm trying to find my own taste in sanity. I'm trying to be the best version of myself, no matter how long I'm on my knees.