Robbie's mom keeps nagging Robbie, asking does Danielle (moi) have a job yet. His reply is always yes, because it is true. I don't. I haven't really looked either. The reason behind that, which I don't like telling people because they look down at me for it and also they say it itsn't true. I have these mental battles and yes, I know that everybody has them. Shut up. Having depression can take a huge chunk out of your soul. It started back in December, but the relapse started back in April. I just kept falling and I couldn't get back up. I may not be doing much, but over the summer I have been trying to make myself feel better. About myself and about everything in general. I look at the good to help myself ward off the bad. Honestly it truly is hard to explain. I just have these moments that are so bad that all I want to do it laid in bed and do absolutely nothing. I have to fight myself not to do self harm and force myself to get out of bed and do things. That's why I always try to create stupid stuff to do. I have these moments where I  do what to die, just maybe it would help, but I know it won't. That's why I have to keep moving forward. I do have this panic attacks that knocks me down. Its a thing where fear overcomes me for no reason. I worry over every little thing and I try so hard to keep my mind busy,but my mind always wanders away. I try to  If you judge, judge for a reason. I struggle just to make it through the day. I know it may seem stupid, because out in public, "they" say I'm "happy" and "cheery." I do like to find the good and live off the simple things. I live of the good, but feed off the bad. When I am alone, which is a lot, even when I do hang around people, a wave of sorrow with surge through me. At time to where I don't even know why. The worst always overcomes me. I love hanging out with you, but in the end it hurts so much. I don't want to do it anymore, I'm sorry, but I have now been degrading; sadly, not purposely though. I have been feeling good for a week or so, and I have been trying so hard not to fall. I actually have had a couple of legit "feel good" days.